i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
