I want to walk on stilts...naked
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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