You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
