So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
birth control should be required to get into college
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
