PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
