got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
