Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The ass gains better be worth it
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