Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
