Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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