Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
