I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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