I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
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