I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
