I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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