Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
