You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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