left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
