I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
