she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
