no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
