Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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