Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
How naked do you want me to be?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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