I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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