I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
