Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
