btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
