how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
