me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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