Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
