i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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