Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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