you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
