I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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