I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
