You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Swine flu. Run for my life!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
