the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
