Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
