Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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