I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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