This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
