Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
