I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
