I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
