Swine flu. Run for my life!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
