so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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