I didn't shave. On purpose
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
