sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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