Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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