the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
