She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
